So I haven't done the challenge in forever, or written in here but tonight I need to.
I haven't been the same... I guess you guys havent known me long, but if you knew me before my parents divorce, or highschool even you would have known I was a generally happy person. That all changed in high school or maybe even after my parents divorce.
Lately I have been at my worst; crying every night, letting everything get to me, and even contemplating suicide. I never use to be this way. I wish to God I could just be happy again, and not like something good has happened to me so I'll be happy, but just a happy in general person.
Today the steelers lost the SuperBowl and I cried...... over the SuperBowl! what the hell is wrong with me? I've literally cried almost every night this week, and that's not normal. I'm currently sitting next to a bag of a bunch of pills and it's taking so much will to not take them all.
God I hate being this girl, I use to HATE this girl now I'm her. Please to god let this go away...
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Challenge Day 3 and 4!
So I may have been pretty busy yesterday and forgot about day 3 challenge but I will do it today along with challenge 4.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog/site/user name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogging and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?
Day 3:
These are some of my bests =]
Challenge 4:
I have a few habits I wish I didn't have. Biting my nails, grinding my teeth in my sleep, low self esteem, being messy, and being over emotional. Also my awful road rage.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog/site/user name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogging and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?
Day 3:
These are some of my bests =]
Challenge 4:
I have a few habits I wish I didn't have. Biting my nails, grinding my teeth in my sleep, low self esteem, being messy, and being over emotional. Also my awful road rage.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Challenge Day 2!
The title explains itself.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog/site/user name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogging and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?
Day 2
My blog name came from the fact that I created it just to write. See the thing is I may seem depressed or sometimes down in my posts, I promise to not always do so, but I made it to get that out in here. Outside of this blog I am as upbeat as I can be. So sometimes you just need to write.
I've decided to add a quote to the end of each of my posts. Not necessarily pertaining to how I feel;
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog/site/user name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogging and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?
Day 2
My blog name came from the fact that I created it just to write. See the thing is I may seem depressed or sometimes down in my posts, I promise to not always do so, but I made it to get that out in here. Outside of this blog I am as upbeat as I can be. So sometimes you just need to write.
I've decided to add a quote to the end of each of my posts. Not necessarily pertaining to how I feel;
She has future plans & dreams at night.
when they tell her life is hard, she says'
" THAT`S ALRiGHT. "
Friday, January 14, 2011
Helping Discover Yourself
I created this blog to help me find out more about who I am. I've changed a lot over the years and I want to get a better ground work on who I am. So to do that I'm doing a 30 day challenge about me.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog/site/user name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogging and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?
1. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac
2. I'm still confused on the term of Best Friend.
3. I'm obsessed with the color pink
4. I want to be an event planner with a focus on weddings
5. I love Taylor Lautner
6. I go to the movies more than anyone I know
7. I'm a God-mother
8. I was a surprise to my parents who had me a tad bit later on in life
9. I'm only in my major because my mother made me
10. I'm in a sorority, DPhiE, and I have more lettered shirts than anyone I know
11. I still like watching some shows on the disney channel
12. I have a secret crush on Jason Segal
13. I think Barney Stinson from HIMYM is the greatest person ever
14. I have brachymetitarsia the spelling may be off but look it up
15. I can't sleep without a fan
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog/site/user name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about blogging and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?
2. I'm still confused on the term of Best Friend.
3. I'm obsessed with the color pink
4. I want to be an event planner with a focus on weddings
5. I love Taylor Lautner
6. I go to the movies more than anyone I know
7. I'm a God-mother
8. I was a surprise to my parents who had me a tad bit later on in life
9. I'm only in my major because my mother made me
10. I'm in a sorority, DPhiE, and I have more lettered shirts than anyone I know
11. I still like watching some shows on the disney channel
12. I have a secret crush on Jason Segal
13. I think Barney Stinson from HIMYM is the greatest person ever
14. I have brachymetitarsia the spelling may be off but look it up
15. I can't sleep without a fan
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sometimes you just need to write
Ever feel trapped within yourself? Afraid to tell the world how you feel in fear of the precautions, the reprimands, the judging? The worst part of it all is that you feel that you can't even tell some of your best friends. That's why some people write. That's why I'm writing this blog anyway.
I didn't create this blog for people to read, but if you find it and are reading it then I hope to some extent I can help you realize something, or just help you. Today's post is just basically things I've had building up and I would really like to get it. So here it goes:
I'm losing friends. At least I feel that way. There are people in my life that I've gotten rid of because they were not meant to be there. They either hurt me, stressed me, or just didn't fit my personality anymore. But there are friends that I feel like they're drifting from me. A few are some people I considered my best friends and it kills me that they seem like they don't care anymore. Some in particular have drifted from multiple people in our group but they get mad any time we bring it up. But it's true. The calls have stopped, the secrets kept secret, and the hangouts are just not the same with them anymore. The plans we made are forgotten, and it's not just me that these people are doing it to. I'm not saying I haven't gained friends but I'm losing ones that i truly cared about. And trust me it's not that I'm not trying to keep them alive trust me I'm trying, some more than others, but I do try. And this is making me thankful for the friends who are not leaving my side, who feel the same way I do about these people, and for the people who I've drifted from earlyer and am now back to great terms with. Maybe that will happen with the friends who are drifting but part of me wonders.
I'm not as smart as I would like to be. I mean I'm not a dumbass or a complete idiot but I wish academic wise I was a tad bit more enhanced. I can hold an intelligent conversation, and I can do rather difficult math and other things but when it comes to certain subjects I wish I was smarter. I really wish I was good at science because then I would become a surgeon, a pediatric one too because little kids are too cute, but I know in my heart I could have done it if science came easier to me. Certain maths that no one cares about come really easily to me, like logarithms who the hell needs that.
I also swear I have a mild form of depression as it runs heavily in my fathers family. It's just the feelings, and the commercials. Don't you just hate those commercials I swear they make most people think they're depressed. I use to swear I was the happiest person ever, always smiling, it kind of was creepy and I had the nickname smiley in middle school. One day though it got to the point were I cried over jello-shots. Who the fuck does that. Part of me that doesn't think I have depression just thinks it's the crappy couple of years my life has gone through. The part that says I do have depression reminds me I've had such great times in the past years and still I've always felt awful. My doctor swears I do too but I'm afraid to admit it, or hurt my mother because she goes through too much anyway.
Soooo I've rambled for a while now and feel like I'm just complaining, which is why I guess that I haven't told it to anyone because certain people have told me that they feel that I go on these rants for attention. But that's the thing, if you feel this way like I do, get it out. It's healthy and good for you.
So that's my first blog post. Don't forget, Just write.
I didn't create this blog for people to read, but if you find it and are reading it then I hope to some extent I can help you realize something, or just help you. Today's post is just basically things I've had building up and I would really like to get it. So here it goes:
I'm losing friends. At least I feel that way. There are people in my life that I've gotten rid of because they were not meant to be there. They either hurt me, stressed me, or just didn't fit my personality anymore. But there are friends that I feel like they're drifting from me. A few are some people I considered my best friends and it kills me that they seem like they don't care anymore. Some in particular have drifted from multiple people in our group but they get mad any time we bring it up. But it's true. The calls have stopped, the secrets kept secret, and the hangouts are just not the same with them anymore. The plans we made are forgotten, and it's not just me that these people are doing it to. I'm not saying I haven't gained friends but I'm losing ones that i truly cared about. And trust me it's not that I'm not trying to keep them alive trust me I'm trying, some more than others, but I do try. And this is making me thankful for the friends who are not leaving my side, who feel the same way I do about these people, and for the people who I've drifted from earlyer and am now back to great terms with. Maybe that will happen with the friends who are drifting but part of me wonders.
I'm not as smart as I would like to be. I mean I'm not a dumbass or a complete idiot but I wish academic wise I was a tad bit more enhanced. I can hold an intelligent conversation, and I can do rather difficult math and other things but when it comes to certain subjects I wish I was smarter. I really wish I was good at science because then I would become a surgeon, a pediatric one too because little kids are too cute, but I know in my heart I could have done it if science came easier to me. Certain maths that no one cares about come really easily to me, like logarithms who the hell needs that.
I also swear I have a mild form of depression as it runs heavily in my fathers family. It's just the feelings, and the commercials. Don't you just hate those commercials I swear they make most people think they're depressed. I use to swear I was the happiest person ever, always smiling, it kind of was creepy and I had the nickname smiley in middle school. One day though it got to the point were I cried over jello-shots. Who the fuck does that. Part of me that doesn't think I have depression just thinks it's the crappy couple of years my life has gone through. The part that says I do have depression reminds me I've had such great times in the past years and still I've always felt awful. My doctor swears I do too but I'm afraid to admit it, or hurt my mother because she goes through too much anyway.
Soooo I've rambled for a while now and feel like I'm just complaining, which is why I guess that I haven't told it to anyone because certain people have told me that they feel that I go on these rants for attention. But that's the thing, if you feel this way like I do, get it out. It's healthy and good for you.
So that's my first blog post. Don't forget, Just write.
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